Let’s change topics from the last post, shall we? I haven’t written a whole lot about my actual job, so I’ll take this opportunity to do so. I teach high school, and as you may know/remember, adolescents are some of the funniest/most frustrating people out there. From that, it’s probably clear that I’ve had some pretty hilarious moments in class.
- When I started rambling on about baseball and how it’s my favorite thing about America and how my goodness it’s been a whole semester and I haven’t talked about it yet . . .
Petr turns to Mirek and says, loudly, in English, “She still hasn’t realized that she’s in the Czech Republic.”
- When I made them make up their own trivia questions . . .
Mirek, to the other team: “What came first, the chicken or the egg?
Other team: ‘You would, you jackass’ looks, discussion, then, “The chicken.”
Mirek: “Oh I’m so sorry, it was the egg, what a shame.”
- Most classes, upon hearing my description of an IPA as a beer that doesn’t have foam at the top: “It’s not beer.”
- I teach a lesson where I make them write stories describing how the people in pictures got sick/injured/depressed, which never fails to entertain. Summaries below . . .
Running picture: A unicorn took out his leg.
Puking picture: He’s looking for his beloved fish that somehow got into the toilet.
Depression picture: She’s the victim of a civil war, but she used to be the rich wife of the dictator.
Skiing picture: He got attacked by a yeti.
- In response to the question, “What’s the worst injury you’ve ever gotten, and how did it happen?”
Martin: “When I was younger, I had both of my legs bitten off by a white shark, but then I prayed to God, and they grew back.”
Filip: I’ve never gotten a serious injury, but once I destroyed a sink with my head.
David: It was my sink!
- When my teacher was trying to prod her students into remembering the meaning of the word “adultery”:
Teacher: Petr, you must know this, what’s your favorite thing to read?
Petr: Porn?
- When I ask them to tell me their names and something that they like that begins with the same letter, so that I (supposedly) remember better:
“I’m David and I like destroying.”
“I’m John and I like jingling.”
“I’m George and I like Gandalf.”
“I’m Filip and I like the Federation of Russia.”
And finally, the one name that I could never possibly forget . . .
“I’m Stevie and I like sucking.”
Me: shocked stare/laugh
Stevie: You know, like on a lollipop.
No one really got why I was giggling like a fool and why I made Stevie choose something else that he liked, so later on I took pit on him and told him the less vulgar of the two more common meanings of the verb to suck, which in some way I feel validates my entire purpose here. I can’t leave straight, teenage, English-speaking boys thinking that they can go around saying that they like sucking, right?
