Oh right, I’m a teacher!

Let’s change topics from the last post, shall we? I haven’t written a whole lot about my actual job, so I’ll take this opportunity to do so. I teach high school, and as you may know/remember, adolescents are some of the funniest/most frustrating people out there. From that, it’s probably clear that I’ve had some pretty hilarious moments in class. 

– When I started rambling on about baseball and how it’s my favorite thing about America and how my goodness it’s been a whole semester and I haven’t talked about it yet . . . 

Petr turns to Mirek and says, loudly, in English, “She still hasn’t realized that she’s in the Czech Republic.”

– When I made them make up their own trivia questions . . .

Mirek, to the other team: “What came first, the chicken or the egg?

Other team: ‘You would, you jackass’ looks, discussion, then, “The chicken.”

Mirek: “Oh I’m so sorry, it was the egg, what a shame.”

– Most classes, upon hearing my description of an IPA as a beer that doesn’t have foam at the top: “It’s not beer.”

– I teach a lesson where I make them write stories describing how the people in pictures got sick/injured/depressed, which never fails to entertain. Summaries below . . . 

Running picture: A unicorn took out his leg. 

Puking picture: He’s looking for his beloved fish that somehow got into the toilet. 

Depression picture: She’s the victim of a civil war, but she used to be the rich wife of the dictator. 

Skiing picture: He got attacked by a yeti. 

– In response to the question, “What’s the worst injury you’ve ever gotten, and how did it happen?”

Martin: “When I was younger, I had both of my legs bitten off by a white shark, but then I prayed to God, and they grew back.”

Filip: I’ve never gotten a serious injury, but once I destroyed a sink with my head. 

David: It was my sink!

– When my teacher was trying to prod her students into remembering the meaning of the word “adultery”: 

Teacher: Petr, you must know this, what’s your favorite thing to read?

Petr: Porn?

– When I ask them to tell me their names and something that they like that begins with the same letter, so that I (supposedly) remember better:

“I’m David and I like destroying.”

“I’m John and I like jingling.”

“I’m George and I like Gandalf.”

“I’m Filip and I like the Federation of Russia.”

And finally, the one name that I could never possibly forget . . .

“I’m Stevie and I like sucking.”

Me: shocked stare/laugh

Stevie: You know, like on a lollipop. 

No one really got why I was giggling like a fool and why I made Stevie choose something else that he liked, so later on I took pit on him and told him the less vulgar of the two more common meanings of the verb to suck, which in some way I feel validates my entire purpose here. I can’t leave straight, teenage, English-speaking boys thinking that they can go around saying that they like sucking, right?

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